You found your new passion tango and now you are burning to tell your partner about your discovery? Thinking you have the best idea in years to bring fresh wind into your relationship, you are surprised that your better half does not share your new passion. Your proposal to do a tango course together was striclty refused. Disappointed and frustrated by wrong expectations you react sulkily .
It can be really challenging for a relationship, when only one partner discover partner dancing as surprisingly refreshing. This can really lead to complications. Here I give some examples about wrong espectations, unessesary mistakes and how to overcome challenges following your new passion tango.
If you share many hours together, for example at home, the office, or shop etc. I think it is totally fine, when husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend choose different recreational activities. It can be even refreshing, when both go seperate ways for some hours of leisure time. This specific situation I exclude from my considerations.
Sharing your new passion tango
In most cases a couple has a stressful, professional life and only few hours in the evening to share.
It would not make much sense if both of them choose a different, time-consuming hobby. I do not talk about going to the gym or meet up once a week with pals. That is totally fine.
What i am talking about is a really time-consuming hobby, which demands committment. For example like playing golf, or tennis in a club.
Mostly people think what is good for themselves must be good for others as well. No way!
Trying to persuade your non dancing partner to equally love your new passion tango, you may present all the advantages you see in sharing tango as a new time-consuming hobby together. But kindly expect your partner to make his/her own decision based on mature reflection.
Further, the non dancer might want to express his/her reluctance by negative or ridiculous flavor, while the dancing spouse discover happily a new hobby. Furthermore he /she might hope by sending out signals of displeasure they can discurrage the activities , big mistake!
Most problems are created by wrong expectations and disapproval.
Reduce fights with respect, allow his and her decision.
It is recommendable for a couple to spend most of their free time together by sharing a common interest, otherwise it does not make much sense to stay together. Before I will resume how to reduce fights with respect, let’s see what is usually going wrong. Where wrong expectations and disaproval take place.
Common mistakes made by the dancing spouse:
- Working all day and follow your very own hobby excessively in your free time can harm your relationship.
- Being angry and offended by your partners decision because he is not sharing your new passion.
- Going out alone more than usual intended, is a sign of disapproval.
- You do not care at all about what your partner feels.
- By sacrifying your own needs and wellbeing, in order to please your partner will not avoid trouble but leads to frustration and being unhappy .
Common mistakes made by the non-dancing spouse:
- You think dancing is not for you and you reject your partner’s invitation without even trying.
- By listening to friends and family opinions, who have joked about partner-dancing, you are loosing self-esteem.
- You follow your sense of displeasure and withdraw totally from any discussions.
- In disagreement with your partner’s activity you react with jealouesy.
- You agree with your partner ‘s new hobby only as you see a chance to escape and do your own stuff.
How to handle wrong behavior originated by wrong expectations, when one part likes to go out dancing, the other not?
It is wonderful for a couple to enjoy a hobby together.
Tango is a very time-consuming hobby which demands committment , therefore it is preferable enjoyed together. Shall the interests of both partners differ to much from each other, it is nessecary to discuss options:
- My partner want me to dance, shall I really avoid this invitation? She/He will be busy going out often, while I stay at home. We will hardly find time together, and she /he will dance with others, will I like this situation? Shall I give it a try or straight away deny and risk a big problem for our relationship?
right , give it a try , show good will and interrest to invest in your relationship, who knows in the end you will like it yourself.
- If you have passed the trial time and you really do not like it, clarify the situation and declare why you cannot go on. Your dancing partner will have to accept your decision in the same way you have to accept his/her decision to dance.
Now it is time to allow his and her decision. Find a compromise . As soon positions are clear and accepted, you may find a way to arrange schedule for tango and find other activities you will do together .
Solution for a happy life together
I strongly recommend the non-dancing part not compleetly to withdraw. I recommend to join passively the dance community from time to time. Learn to know the people, that you are not totally disconnected, when your partner talkes about happenings. Show interest and support.
The dancing part I suggest not to dive into the scene excessively, which can easily happen. Save most of your free time for your partner, talk about events and happenings and save time to do other activities together.
Take it serious from the beginning to find an acceptable compromise, otherwise your problems with your new passion tango will grow and seperate you.
In any case a Bali holiday with or without tango will always work well for any kind of relationship.